Hand of Fate

Written by Michael

Were you scared I wouldn’t finish the game quick enough?

Last time, I had just landed Wile-E-Coyote style in the Petrified Forest. And even if it didn’t say it at the bottom of the screen, I would know from the expressions on the faces of the trees.

They don’t know how I can get to the wheels of fate, but I suspect I need to take the path behind them to find it. But they won’t budge. So, I check out the Zanthia-shaped hole in the ground, and find one of my empty flasks. There’s a pinecone on the ground near the trees, and I ask the trees if it belongs to them. As I take it, they say they’ll make more.


I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you

To the west is a bridge. There’s some snow or ice on the ledges, and near the knight in shining armor at the other side. First, looking around, I admire the sandcastle, but we don’t need to spend too much time on that now. I go to talk to the tin man, and when I ask about the trees, he tells me “They weren’t always petrified.” Getting past them? “They used to be a dance team. The Swinging Saplings.” That’s all he says, but perhaps that’s enough of a hint.

I try to get past the knight, and he ushers me back across the bridge. “Thank you, but I don’t want to cross back across the bridge.” “That’s rough. We all have our jobs to do though.”

Stuck, I walk back to the first screen. “Nervous trees and the Highway Helper”, I muse. But I’m confined within two screens, so everything I need should be here. But first, I ask the trees about getting past the suit of armor.

“Do you know how I can get past that boy scout at the bridge?”

“Did you say Boy Scouts? Is it a large troop?”

“Troop? That term might be stretching it.”

“Termite? Did you say TERMITE!?!”

“(Oh brother! I didn’t realize trees could have earwax problems.)”

When in doubt, I open my spell book and look for inspiration. Hmmm. Right next to the Abominable Snowman spell is one for a regular snowman. Could I use that to distract the guard, perhaps?

On the screen with the bridge, I find some moss. I also take a snowball from the accumulated masses. That’s two ingredients out of three. That just leaves charcoal.

There’s some twigs near the bridge, and they aren’t nailed down, so I take them. I don’t know what they are good for, but we’ll keep looking.

I’m stuck, so I retrace my steps. It seems there was a second helping of moss on the other screen, and both of them were covering a stone. Which now starts rolling when I remove the last of it.

Ready for a groan? They must have based this on the old saying: “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” When it had the moss, it couldn’t roll.

I had already tried using my alchemist magnet against the flint stone, but that didn’t work. Rock on rock? I place the twigs next to the flint, and use the rolling stone on the flint, and the momentum causes some sparks to light a fire. It burns fast, and I’m left with some charcoal.

It's that time of year!

I mix up the ingredients, and use my flask to extract a dosage from the cauldron. I set it on the ground, and in a whirlwind of, well, I guess a blizzard, out comes a snowman. But it melts almost immediately.

Back to the recipe book: “Must be cold weather.”. Theres ice on the bridge, and snow just on the Western side of it, so, using another portion (the spell recipe made four), I do it right in front of the guard. He reacts to another trespasser, shepherding it across the bridge, where it it mostly melts (except for the portion that stuck to his head), and he gets frustrated. “That does it! I’m going to go work somewhere I’m appreciated.”

Some grapes, and this could be a killer winemaking operation.

Now I can continue west, to see what the guard was guarding, and it appears to be... a grassy meadow where some creatures are running around in a circle along with a giant... foot.

This land is getting stranger by the day.

Let’s look around to see what’s here and what can be taken. I look at the big statue, and I’m told that it’s very dented. This jogs my memory to the most recent page I added to my spellbook.

A form of a karma spell, I suppose. Perform good deeds, get things in return. Polishing a statue seems easy, by using my trusty alchemist’s magnet to transform the dented statue into a shiny gold. But wait, wouldn’t it still be dented? Ahh, video game logic... the game accounts for this: “Even the dents look shiny now!”

Magically, some treasures appear when I do this. There’s an anumated toy drum and a treasure chest. Opening the chest gets me a jack. Not one for lifting up a car, but the ancient game piece.

What other good deeds can I perform? I try to plant the acorn and pinecones I have in the Zantha-shaped hole I made, but nothing doing. But the drum seems to be animated, does that mean it’s playing music? Would it work with the trees?

Deleted scene from Lord of the Rings?

I offer it directly to them, but they refuse. But if I place it on the tree stump, music plays and the ‘Saplings’ start to dance. And they no longer block the path leading to the northeast.

In other words, just a modern employee.

I come upon a screen that contains the base of a chairlift system, apparently being run by a hamster squirrel in an exercise wheel. As soon as I approach a chair, though, he stops his morning jog, halting the ride. Why? Time for his lunch break, which he cannot skip without getting in trouble with the union. I try to bribe him with the acorn (

“I hate these!”) and then the pinecone, and finally the walnut, and while that satisfies him enough to leave, it doesn’t solve the problem.

But, placing a perpetually-rolling stone in the wheel gets the gears turning.

Marko, you're our only hope.

I can now hop in a tram car and ride to the top. Along the way, I pass my suitor, fighting with his hand in a car coming down. Marko loses the fight, and tumbles out,. The hand gets to the bottom before I reach the top, and disables the tram, causing me to have to climb the rope the rest of the way.

"I want to speak to your manager."

At the top, after changing my outfit once again, I come across a “Karen” and her spoiled child. Oh, and I lost all my inventory again, as it fell from my pockets as I climbed the rope. Except my magnet, of course. Somehow, that never disappears.

Outside the tram’s shed is a feather duster and broom, which I promptly take. The woman is of no help right now, so I head to the lodge instead.

Inside the hunting lodge, I come across some misogynistic men who deny me some basic climbing supplies. “He, he, he. Them’s Men’s supplies darlin!” They claim to need the rope to go and hogtie the abominable snowman, but I can have it after they make their catch.

Okay, I know what spell I’m making next.

I’ll be needing snow, musk, feathers, and sugar. Snow is outside. The feather duster takes care of another item. That leaves two.

There’s an empty flask on the shelf; mine now. Looking around the room, when I examine the bull head, I come away with an unknown substance, which turns out to be musk. There’s also some cannonballs on the ground, and I take those.

That just leaves sugar, and the kid outside has a lollipop. Hopefully this will be as easy as stealing candy from a baby.

The arrow was perhaps a clue.

I continue exploring up the path, but there’s too much ice and not enough climbing gear for me to proceed. Darn, why didn’t I save some ash or sand from the volcanic beach?

Back to Karen. I wonder, since it worked before, can I buy the candy off her? I use the magnet to convert a cannonball to gold, and offer it to mom. She proceeds to turn her back on her kid and sit, I think ON the golden ball. Either to protect it, or for it to hatch?

The birth of politics.

Either way, I can take the lollipop now. I hope this doesn’t negate any of the karma from performing those good deeds.

I mix the ingredients and create the snowman potion, and although I thought it would create a creature, it instead changes the user into a snowman. So, since I look the part, I go into the lodge to frighten the lazy hunters.

"Just the two of us, you and I"

They just laugh at me, I’m not so bulked up. But then, in walks a REAL abominable snowman. Who sees a lady snowman in his mist, probably smelling of the musk, and he’s turned on. A real Pepé LePew story.

Smooth moves. He's as cool as an ice cube.

He carries me off to his lair, presumable to try to have his way with me. A gentleman, though, he plans to wine and dine me. So, after I undress for him (I mean, shed my faux fur), he’s less interested. I can’t understand what he is saying, though. I wonder if I were to record it and listen to it backwards?

Paul is dead.

Zanthia isn’t interested in the wine bottle (“Drink before Tuesday.”) but grabs the chocolates, which the game calls candy. I find an empty flask and a bottle of cologne in the room.

Um, okay. Two ingredients for the same spell I just made. I wonder.

Outside the lair is an icy ledge that Zanthia thinks she can climb out of. Her progress is helped by grabbing some icicles to use as climbing pegs. But as I near the top, the Yeti yanked me down. I’ll be needing to distract him.

Let's see these "real men" do the job

Soon after, I watch the hunters arrive, but when I tell them the snowman is inside the cave, they hesitate and wait outside. “Well... maybe we need a plan first.” Of course, they’re really just scared.

I want their rope to escape, but also need the Yeti distracted. I already know what spell to use, and I’ll use it on the hunters. So I just need feathers and snow.

Looking around the bachelor pad, I find feathers from the pillow on his bed. And I have an icicle, isn’t that just really cold snow, after all? I mix the spell again, and try to use it on myself, for fun. “I’m not making a fool of myself again!” So I douse the hunters, and the yeti comes to bring his two new brides inside.

Using the icicles, I climb up the ledge and get away.

On the way out, Zanthia decides to reach out to Faun again. It seems we’re running out of time. We’d better hurry!

Well, that’s not true...

...THIS is the building that houses the famous Rainbow Room!

Another small little shack on the ski hill, and Zanthia says this one houses the famous Rainbow Room.

It's a toy store for Zanthia just before Christmas

Inside, there’s a broken Rainbow Machine. There’s a whole bunch of flasks hanging in the vines growing in the center of the room. (“This weed is the famous Rainbow Machine?”) A sign has rules: “Nothing may be removed from this room! Nothing may be put on the floor! Do not reorganize the shelves! Absolutely no confetti allowed!”

When you look at the orbs in the vines, Zanthia says “I can’t tell what colored liquid was in this orb.” Which basically is the game giving me a subtle hint about what to do: fill the orbs with different colored liquids. There’s seven orbs, but they don’t seem to line up with the color combinations from earlier in the game; each time the colors were in random orders. So let’s try something appropriate for the Rainbow Machine inside the Rainbow Room: Mister Roy G. Biv.

There’s a bookcase of sorts on the right of the screen, with nine spell ingredients. There’s levers and knobs next to it, and if you manipulate those, it gives you 8 different displays (that’s 23=8, for those who are mathematically inclined).

I luck out at first, I picked up an ingredient at random and the game told me that it was for the indigo recipe. I guess that was a gimme? Or maybe they give you that first every time, to train you on what to do? I manage to create an indigo-colored concoction, and fill the sixth orb from the left.

So, opening up my spell book, I make a spell at random, and when it’s complete, it’s a beautiful hue of orange. That’s spot number two. I make some more spells. Some of them come out in useless colors (like cyan), but I eventually fill all seven glasses.

Suddenly, a ray of light shoots out from a red laser pointer above the shelves, reflects through the orbs, and sends a rainbow out of the roof of the hut, into the clouds above.

Going outside, Zanthia thinks that we can climb onto the roof, but it turns out I need an icicle from the corner of the roof to do that.

Take a look, it’s in a book.

On the rainbow bridge, I’m confronted by...

...wait. Something’s bothering me. This is a damn rainbow bridge. Am I the only one who immediately thinks of something sad here?

Sorry, back to the tale. Mr. Hand is waiting on the bridge to throw down. He knocks me down, I get up again. He’s never gonna keep me down. I change to a Rambo outfit and get ready to rumble.

According to the name on the bottom of the screen, yes, it is.

Arriving at the entrance to the wheels, I have, yet again, just one item in my inventory. I can’t get to the door because the hand has repositioned a satellite-type dish to reflect light the wrong way, directly in my path, and it is hot. I can’t adjust the dish because of the temperature. But the shiny dish looks like a light copper... maybe it’s gold? I use the magnet on it, and the shiny gold goes away and stops reflecting the light. I have safe passage in.

Sadly, it doesn’t answer.

Inside, there’s two paths I can choose. I go left.

...no, it was the sign on the door.

This is the room with the wheels of fate, and a glance at the Kyrandian one (in red) shows a gear very obviously missing in the middle.

Checking out the other room, the name on the screen gives away what needs to be done. This is the “Inverted Towers of Anoi”, very obviously meant to be something real-world but with a silent H, There’s three openings above stone heads, and the mouths of the unfilled openings have lock-jaw, so to speak. We will need to perform the task of moving the discs to open the other mouths.

I won’t bore you with a play-by-play, as it’s a basic puzzle that even pre-schoolers are taught (in lite monkey mode of course), but I move all the discs to the middle and out comes a gear. First try! Instead of checking out the left-side mouth, I instead rush over to the machine room and install the gear.

Of course, the job isn’t complete. I need a tool to wedge the gear into place. I try the only thing in my inventory, but Zanthia tells me “I can’t risk my alchemy magnet.” I suppose that means we’ll be using it again?

So I return to the life-size Hungry Hippo game.

“I’ve never heard of a walking stick walking around by itself.”

My trusty stick shows up in the other mouth, and I use it to wedge the gear into place. Doing so breaks the stick, which must mean the game is almost over, if they are willing to have me lose that item.

Just then, Mr. Hand arrives with a hog-tied Marko, for the final gambit of the game. While I jump around, dodging blows from the hand, Marko frees himself from the ropes, and positions himself behind the hand.

At first, I didn’t notice the significance of this, and the hand defeated me, sending me over the railing. Restoring, though, I notice the moment, and push the hand over Marko, causing him to go over the railing instead.

The hand is shredded in the big gears. “Ugh! How disgusting!” “At least Kyrandia is safe now.” After a little playful back and forth, where Marko is flirting and Zanthia reminds him, rather subtly, that she wouldn’t have had to do this in the first place if it wasn’t for Marko and his damn hand, the game comes to a close.