Leisure Suit Larry 6: Risqué Business, or (Forced) Sex on the Beach

by Alex
As you can likely tell from the opening image, this post is going to get decidedly non-family friendly. You’ve been warned.
Actually, this is something I’ve agonized a bit about when covering Leisure Suit Larry games, especially this one, which is a bit more ribald than the others. My general blogging approach is to not swear, not make gross sex jokes, and use more innuendo and subtle humor. And yet, I started this post with a censored picture of a dress-wearing man’s giant erection, which is not exactly the height of subtlety. I didn’t exactly erect a façade of tumescent effort in order to make sure this opening did not become too turgid. I should have engaged in more foreplay before pounding you with such vulgarity. My sincerest apologies.

So yes, I have defenestrated these concerns, if not all the way then at least part way, in my discussion of Leisure Suit Larry 6, in a way I didn’t even when writing about Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist. To be fair, that game is nowhere near as explicit as this one, but still: horse farts.

I will never stop referencing this screenshot.

My point is this: if the readers and moderators of The Adventurers Guild ever feel like this is all a little too much, too gross and explicit, please let me know and I’ll tone it down. If this were my personal blog, things would be different, but it’s not. It is our blog. Or more precisely, I am a guest writer. As such, I will defer to my hosts’ rules.

With that out of the way, let’s get on with the show. This was a very raunchy session, featuring lots of sexual encounters both bad and, well, bad. So yes: consider yourself warned.

I left off last session having just taken a shower. In the game, silly, not in real life (though I did that too, in the interim). In that post, I lamented that I didn’t even try to pee in the shower. So this time, I did. Sadly, you can’t. I mean in the game, not in real life. In real life you can pee all you want in the shower; it’s your life, pal, and I’m not here to tell you what to do (but don’t do it; it’s gross). But I did have the brilliant idea to hop in the mud bath and the sauna wearing only a towel.

So yep. Larry can hop in the mud bath (1 point) and sit there. And fart. Because this is a classy, classy game.

Or maybe clASSy.

Instead of melting to death, yup, Larry sits in the mud bath. Nothing else to do but hop and wow! Larry is covered in mud! Who’d’ve thunk it? Is there going to be another blackface/black . . . uh, body gag like in Leisure Suit Larry 5? I sure hope not!

Never forget.

I mean, it would be on-brand for Al Lowe and Co.’s unique brand of humor, but sometimes a man just doesn’t want to engage in any racially charged tomfoolery. He wants regular tomfoolery. Colorblind tomfoolery. The kind of tomfoolery Dr. King would have wanted.

“I have a dream . . . that adventure games will be judged by the content of their jokes . . . and not the color of their protagonist!”

I shower Larry off before I have to find out (3 points) and hop into the sauna. I don’t melt this time either, but there’s nothing doing here, and yes, I did try to pee on the hot rocks. To no avail.

Did this happen in Leisure Suit Larry 4?

I shower Larry off again (3 points) and decide to get on with the game. I had remembered an electrical socket in the mud bath room, but an interesting thing happened in the inventory: instead of clicking the “Take” icon (the one where the hand looks like it’s holding a guitar pick) to actually grab and be able to move the icon, I used the “Hand” icon, which is usually used to manipulate items, and Larry strips a bit of the wire off at one end (12 points). This sounds a lot kinkier than it actually was.

Bob Vila would be so proud.

I plug this modified electrical cord into the outlet (7 points) and . . . nothing happened. There’s just an exposed, electrified wire just sitting there. I’ll bet it’s for a future puzzle, but I’m not worried because this game, so far, is really good at not putting the player in a walking-dead scenario. It seems to only trigger certain events when you’re ready. It’s the anti-King’s Quest, or better yet, the anti-Jim Wa . . .

Whew! I almost uttered . . . that name again. And no, I won’t use that picture again (*jimwallsindoor.jpeg*). I’ve heard about it enough, thank you very much.

Off to solve some outstanding puzzles: I can indeed inflate the beaver float (14 points) with the taco truck’s leaky tire (what a strange sentence!):

Larry, you scamp.

I then make the mistake of trying to use the float without a bathing suit, and plummet to my death.This leisure suit is deadly! First the mud bath, then the sauna, and now this? Was “death by leisure suit” really a thing in the 70s? Can some old-timer please shed some light on this vital chapter in American history? The people need to know.

Why Larry can’t just sit on the float and push off without going into the water, I don’t know, but then again, I don’t design adventure games! What do I look like? A retired California Highway Patrol man-turned-legendary adventure game designer/sex symbol? Please. I’m no James Room Divider (you notice I didn’t say “Jim Walls”?), that’s for sure.

So swimming is out, and I can’t even put on Larry’s sweet stolen shades because Larry is not wearing a bathing suit. Kind of a weird rule, but okay game, I’m in your world now. I then start to do that classic adventure game thing: revisiting every area to see what, if anything has changed. Leisure Suit Larry 6 has already established that this is a gameplay mechanic, so who knows if some item I’ve picked up has triggered something else to happen, or if these changes are timing based?I head back to the Blues Bar and find Burgundy, a country singer, warbling a tune that is, no joke, about a cop in Lytton who arrests a prostitute and then falls in love.

I’m not making this up:The song is called “Cell Block Love,” and it’s about high-school sweethearts Sonny Bonds and “Sweet Cheeks” Marie. After graduation they drift apart like many young lovers. He becomes a cop, she becomes a prostitute. These fateful choices send them on a collision course with destiny. If you recall in Police Quest 1, Marie gets arrested, and Sonny agrees to spring her if she will act as his hooker while Sonny disguises himself as a pimp to infiltrate a high-stakes poker tournament to take down the Death Angel. Truly a love story for the ages: Romeo and Juliet . . . Luke and Laura . . . Sonny and Cher . . . Sonny and Sweet Cheeks. Which cheeks? Why, the sweet ones, of course.

While I didn’t get enough screenshots of all the lyrics, here they are reproduced in full:

The boys could find my number written by the telephone,
The sort of girl a Lytton man could take, then leave alone.
In high school I was voted Miss Congeniality,
But then I asked myself, "Why am I doin' it fer free?"

I knew when you grew up next door, you had a crush on me.
You'd been the high school quarterback, then joined the LPD.
That night you caught me hookin' and you hauled me off to jail,
You wrapped your arms around me and you held me without bail!

Chorus
The lifeline that you threw me were the handcuffs that you used.
You left my heart locked up, and my wrists a little bruised.
You brought me down for questioning, I had to say, "I do!"
Your kisses sentenced me to life in Cell Block Love with you.

I sit alone and cry when you refuse to wear your vest.
I never know if you'll come home or take one in the chest.
I sit and stare when you won't wear your firearm like you should.
I know someday they'll find you, dear, flatlinin' in the 'hood!

I pray you're just unfaithful when you don't come home 'til two.
Perhaps I oughtta go back out and hit the streets like you.
We sure could use the extra cash, for bills we've plenty of,
And you could run me in, like on the night we fell in love!

Chorus
I waive my right to silence, here's the statement that I'll sign:
I do confess to lovin' you and wantin' you fer mine!
Is it so wrong, a workin' girl who loves a man in blue?
I hope I never make parole from Cell Block Love with you.

It's never solitary here in Cell Block Love with you.
My prison address, darlin', is in Cell Block Love with you!

My friends, I’m being haunted. There’s no other explanation.

“You can run, Alex . . .”

Burgundy won’t talk to Larry because she’s singing country in a blues bar, so I do what I did when nobody was singing: click “Hand” on the microphone cable and trip over it (10 points), thereby knocking out the power and forcing the bartender to call in Gary to fix it.

That’s right: nobody can figure out that you just have to . . . plug it in.Before Gary comes, I talk to Burgundy.

Nice dress!

She’s a good ol’ country gal singin’ and playin’ until some big fancy high-falutin’ record exec wanders in and hands her a big ol’ record deal. Larry can’t help her with that. But her immediate need, what she really wants right now, is a drink. And none of those, uh, “faggy” non-alcoholic beverages served up by La Costa Lotta.

Her words, not mine!

Obviously, some of the humor hasn’t aged all that well. As I said in the introduction to this post, if readers would overwhelmingly prefer a more bowdlerized write-up, let me know. My intent with these posts is to capture the flavor of the game (gross as it may be), raise a few laughs, and maybe make us all think about the nature of humor, comedy, and how to view works of art and entertainment that come from different eras. I’m not trying to shock or offend anyone here; I’m merely trying to stay within the spirit of the game as I detail both my playthrough and how Leisure Suit Larry 6 stacks up as a game-qua-game. Did you think you were going to get Latin in this post? Cogito ergo sum! E pluribus unum! Gesundheit!

Larry offers to buy Burgundy a drink (2 points), and luckily he’s toting some alcoholic beverages right now. Six, in fact. Larry hands over the beers (6 points), which Burgundy immediately begins to chug, belching every now and then. Charming. This whole game is charming. Burping, farting, peeing, boob jokes, dick jokes, it’s a never-ending parade of class and dignity. Like a Mel Brooks movie. In fact, this game has a very seventies comedy vibe, although it was made in the 90s. I think it’s, at the risk of using a Very On Line term, Boomer humor. As in, made by people from that generation. At least, this is the impression I get as someone between Gen X and Millennial (b. 1981). Your mileage may vary.So Burgundy downs her beers, Gary comes in and fixes the problem, Burgundy goes back on stage, and . . . nothing happens. I wondered if there was something I was supposed to do while Burgundy was drinking, but I couldn’t even talk to her. I also was unable to go into the backstage area while Burgundy was around, either playing or just sitting on stage, but I’m not worried because I’ve already established that Larry can just get a few more beers (see the previous post). I decide to leave and stop off in Larry’s room along the way. As I walk, I go to the outside area, thinking I can pick some of the flowers up for Rose near the stairs that lead to the beach, but no such luck.Ah well.

Back in Larry’s room, it looks like the maid did turn down the bed . . . and left Larry a present.What would a Larry game be without a little rubber humor? I take the condom, obviously (4 points), and examining it reveals that it’s “Spartan” brand, sized extra small. Sick burn, Al Lowe!

“Wow, Larry has a small penis! What a novel joke!”

Anyway, I also try to grab the flowers on the table, thinking that I might have just misclicked in my earlier attempt, and yup: you can just grab them (4 points).

I head into the bathroom, because why not? This is a Larry game. And Larry’s not alone.This here’s Mark, the plumber. He’s fixing the clogged toilet Larry filled with toilet paper, just because, during my last session. What a gross looking character!

When you click the “Zipper” icon on him.

Larry comments about Mark’s toolbelt just sticking out there, so I click “Take” on it and lo and behold, Larry swipes the monkey wrench from him (8 points). Perfect! I’ll bet this’ll come in handy to fix the cellulite drainage machine!I recall the game telling me some screws were loose on that red thing in the center, but Larry couldn’t undo the bolts by hand. Well, he sure can with his—I mean, Mark’s—wrench (5 points). Now, Larry can lift the cover and remove the filter (4 points), which is clogged with some disgusting viscous white substance that smells like spoiled seafood. Nasty! This needs to be cleaned, and the Narrator tells me that Larry’s hand soap won’t do the trick. No, it’ll take something “industrial strength” to get rid of this. I have an idea, but first, since I’m near Rose, I figure I’ll give her the flowers she longs for.

There’s also a hose in the cellulite drainage machine that’s broke (see the yellow thing in the middle-left of the screenshot) that I can’t fix now, so I note that for later.

Rose is very happy to get flowers from Larry (5 points), and promises to give him a little something for his troubles. This begins another very classy sequence, emphasis on the “assy.”She asks Larry to look at the painting on the left wall.Then she lubes up and asks Larry if he’s ready for a good time.Rose asks Larry to drop his pants and grab the handles on the wall, which he does.Larry wonders why Rose doesn’t turn off the lights, shortly before he is given (sigh) a colonic.Forcibly.I guess ramming things up dude’s anuses without their foreknowledge or consent is funny? Interestingly, this isn’t the only example of forced sodomy in this session. What a game.After enduring the colonic (comedy!), Rose gives Larry a beautiful orchid for his trouble (15 points). I’m not sure what this is supposed to symbolize, but a quick internet search informs me that orchids represent “thoughtfulness, refinement, fertility, beauty, charm, and love.” In other words, everything Leisure Suit Larry games do not. I’d also be remiss without mentioning that the word “orchid” comes from the ancient Greek word “orchis,” meaning “testicle.” According to internet sources, eating the tubers of the orchid was thought to increase male fertility. My guess is that the modern Greek word for testicle, “archidi,” comes from this root.

That’s right: I may not speak Greek fluently, but I know all the good words. And look at you: Latin and Greek in a post on The Adventure Gamer about a freakin’ Leisure Suit Larry game. That’s me: classin’ up the joint.

Ha ha. “ClASS.”

At a bit of a loss, I head back to Larry’s room, thinking maybe he needs to take a shower after the colonic. But look: Mark the gross plumber is still there, this time grossly fixing Larry’s sink.

Seriously: Such an unappealing character.

The game mentions that Mark looks uncomfortable lying down while wearing his tool belt, so I click the “Take” icon on him again, and this time Larry swipes a file (8 points). So I think I get it now: You’re supposed to call the number for maintenance to get Mark to come fix the sink so you can get the file, and then at some point clog the toilet with toilet paper to get him to come fix the toilet. I think I did the toilet paper part out of order, because, as you’ll see later, you can make Larry drop a deuce, and when he wipes up, the toilet paper clogs the toilet, thereby prompting the player to make Larry call maintenance in a more normal sequence of events. What a disgusting puzzle, when you stop and think about it. So let’s do what one really should do while playing a Leisure Suit Larry game and don’t think.

When you leave the bathroom, Mark comes out and vacates the premises, his work done, so I guess he’s one of the few actually useful people at La Costa Lotta. I go in and have Larry wash his hands with the hand soap and the not-brown water. And yup, Larry washes his hands. I use the washcloth on Larry next, and he washes his face before keeping the damp washcloth (6 points). I’m sure this’ll come in handy for a puzzle, but which one has so far eluded me.

Speaking of puzzles, Leisure Suit Larry 6 does something I like that old adventure games were good at—the well-written ones at least—which is making the player need to use the clues in the descriptions to figure things out. The constant references to Mark’s toolbelt when looking at him are one example, but so was the reference on the maid’s cart parked outside of Larry’s room to the stuff Larry can see on the front of the cart. Something I missed in my first session is that you can find different stuff if you look on the back side.

Ha ha, “the back side.” Al Lowe’s got me seeing butt references everywhere.

Whereas Larry took the hand crème, toilet paper, towel, and wash cloth from the front, here he can take dental floss (4 points) and a toilet seat cover (2 points). Now, maybe Larry can finally poop!

Yep, he can poop.

Aren’t you glad you’re reading this post?

You get points for using the toilet seat cover, aka ass gasket (2 points), for using the toilet paper (1 point) and washing Larry’s dirty hands (2 points). Of course, there’s also a really gross game over you can get while Larry’s sitting on the can.

Remember that brochure we picked up on Gary’s desk? Remember the hand crème? Yeah . . . I’m apologizing in advance.So then you use the hand crème, and . . .

The sound effect during this sequence is truly disgusting.

I’m so, so sorry you had to see that. However, the gag that there’s nobody watching until Larry starts whacking it is a pretty good one.

MOVING ON.

I have an idea to clean that filter. The kitchen with the taco truck had a dishwashing machine next to the sink. In the summer of 1998 I washed dishes at the Bridgeside Diner in Holderness, New Hampshire, and used one of these things extensively. While the game didn’t describe it earlier when I used the “Eye” icon on it, the Narrator’s statement that I’d need something industrial strength stuck with me—another of those textual clues I mentioned—so I try clicking the clogged filter on the sink, and son of a gun, it worked (10 points).With the filter now clean, I replace it in the cellulite drainage machine (4 points) and tighten the lid (3 points), but the machine still doesn’t work when I turn it on. There’s the hose, and Larry notices that that the shaft on the left side is dry. So, looking through my inventory, I try using the lard on it, and it works (6 points).

The jokes, they write themselves.

I’m still stumped on the broken hose though, and the game actually calls me out for just trying to click anything on it, which I think is pretty funny. I’ll come back here later.

I figure I might as well snag more beer and try giving it to Burgundy again to see what I missed.Well, she takes the beer (8 points) and instead of going through the whole “calling Gary” scenario, Burgundy asks to use the sauna, so Larry invites her there to have that little date with Cav. So Burgundy leaves, before slipping out of her dress, which I find in the backstage area (13 points), solving another puzzle, as this is what Shablee wanted.

Theft: It’s an adventure gamer’s bread and butter.

I get Larry into his towel, and try wearing Burgundy’s dress just for fun.

Nice little shout out.

So the sequence with Burgundy and Cav in the sauna (10 points) goes exactly how you’d imagine: the two ladies are super-interested in each other, ignoring Larry who’d have found Burgundy more than willing to get it on if he’d just not invited Cav. Oh well, can’t have a comedy game without the comedy, but this scene goes on a bit too long. Kind of like this post.

Latin, Greek, AND French! TAG givin’ you an EDUCATION!

Eventually, Larry comments that the sauna needs more steam, but like a dope he trips and knocks the entire bucket onto the coals, really fogging up the place.Predictably, Cav and Burgundy are gone when the steam clears, but Burgundy left her silver bracelet behind, which Larry naturally takes (12 points). I try to take the bucket, figuring I can get ice, but the game says Larry doesn’t need it. Hey game, you’re an adventure game. Carrying useless stuff is part of the whole experience. I spent how long carrying a stupid beaver float, and you’re going to tell me I don’t need a bucket? What gives?

Ah well. At least I have one other puzzle to solve: Shablee! She’s obviously happy to get the dress (14 points), and tells Larry to meet her on the beach that night for some fun.So Larry heads down to the beach, leading to what I’m guessing is one of the game’s more controversial gags.Shablee is wearing Burgundy’s dress, sitting by a fire, with a bucket of champagne and two glasses. Larry chats her up, puts his hands on her, and eventually they start making out pretty hot and heavy.Things are going well . . . too well. Eventually, Shablee asks Larry if he has a condom, which he does. Are things finally going to go Mr. Laffer’s way? He gives her the prophylactic (13 points), but instead of putting it on Larry . . . well . . .So yeah, she’s a he. Larry crawls away as Shablee approaches, the screen goes black, and we hear Larry howl as Shablee presumably has his way with him. So some of the offense people might take is that this joke is transphobic, but I don’t see it that way. For all Shablee knows, Larry knows and is really into him! Also, I thought there was a difference between a transvestite, what was called a cross-dresser back in the day (a man who dressed up like a woman) and an actual transsexual (someone who has had the surgery and whatnot), but I could be wrong. I’m no expert.

Like I said earlier in this post, this is Mel Brooks-level humor. Guy thinks he’s with a girl, he’s with a guy, which is not what he’s into or what he bargained for, ha ha, jokes on him! Except here . . . the implication is that Shablee, well, that Shablee raped Larry. I mean, Larry screamed, right?This becomes clear later the next morning when I return to the beach to see if the champagne is still there, which it is (6 points) and Larry says that he earned that champagne.So he earned a bottle of champagne by being forcibly sodomized against his will? That’s funny? It’s the way that apparently men getting raped in prison is funny too. It’s offensive to the trans community and to men. I don’t know, friends: This whole sequence doesn’t really land in any respect, but your mileage may vary. I expect the comments to be wild on this one.

Hopefully next time Larry can have some adventures that don’t involve things being inserted up his dumper without his permission. The worst part of this entire session, though, the most disappointing thing, was that I found nothing else for Larry to pee on, in, or around. I thought this game was supposed to be fun!

OUTSTANDING PUZZLES:

• Fixing the brown water
• Fixing the cellulite drainage machine for Gammie
• Finding a girl to go to the sauna with for Cav
• Finding batteries for Char
• Finding a dress for Shablee
• Finding handcuffs for Thunderbird
• Finding flowers for Rose
• Getting the handcuffs from Daryl
• Get a receipt marked PAID IN FULL to get past Daryl
• Find a bathing suit
• Use the high dive at the pool
• Blow up the beaver float
• Get ice from the ice machine
• Use the elevator
• Use the dumbwaiter
• Find more stuff to urinate on, in, or around

Session Time: 1 hours, 35 minutes
Total Time: 4 hours, 30 minutes

Total Points: 417

Inventory: Cav’s badge, inflated float, silver bracelet, brochure, champagne and bucket, file, dental floss, hand crème, random key, room key, lamp, match, orange, orchid, sunglasses, little cloth, ass gasket, toilet paper, towel, damp washcloth, wrench

Things Urinated On, In, or Around: 4 (In the room key return box, behind the taco truck, in the fountain in the towel room, in the toilet in Larry’s room)

Things Rammed Up Larry’s Butt: 2 (Rose’s colonic machine, Shablee)